I was diagnosed with bipolar, depression, and anxiety disorder before my divorce in 2007.
I've had symptoms as a child, overdosed three times in the last eight years, and had suicidal thoughts since youth.
I grew up with a stepfather with no blood relatives, four siblings.
I'm the oldest.
My mom was very mean and abusive no hugs or affection. I've been single since my divorce and living on my own with some financial support from my sons. I'm not very sociable as my mother is.
I wish I was.
I volunteer in churches join in some exercise classes during the week. I don't like living alone. I have three sons. Two have children. Youngest lives with his father.
They all work during the week. I get to see them couple times a month.
I'm on anti-depressants, mood stabilizer and anxiety meditations. I miss being married and my family. I had a crazy marriage and divorce. I didn't get alimony instead I got the house. I had to fix it and sell it. Got too expensive and depressing.
I feel lost and lonely at times.
I miss my family my home, my life, and feeling normal instead of fear and bored.
From the tone of your letter it sounds like you are in a lot of emotional pain.
You have had a very difficult road to travel. It is good that you are volunteering at your church and go to an exercise class. I too live alone and have been divorced for 19 years so I understand the loneliness.
Fortunately, I am able to work. But I also keep busy by having hobbies and friends.
Our children grow into adults and have lives of their own. We can’t expect them to meet all of our needs. If they are independent you have given them a wonderful gift.
Perhaps it is time for you to take up a new hobby. Try www.meetup.com.
They will have groups in your area ranging from hiking to yoga to book clubs to scuba diving to gardening.
Therapy, therapy, therapy is very important for anyone with a mental illness. Are you seeing a social worker and/or psychiatrist? Have you ever thought about joining a self-help group? Self-help groups can be a great way to meet other people going through similar difficulties. There are some great mood disorder groups in the USA & Canada.
Look on the internet to find something new you.
Having too much time on your hands can be very destructive. You need to have a reason to get up every day and keep busy.
When I was unable to work due to bipolar symptoms, I made sure I had somewhere to go every day to be around people. I volunteered at a food bank, at my local hospital, joined a bible study group and I went to Canadian Mental Health Association Drop-in Centers (Check out NAMI if you live in the USA).
If you like animals, perhaps you could adopt a pet. Even having goldfish can be very therapeutic because you have another life to look after.
I pray that you find the peace you are looking for.
Live, Love & Laugh,